The Modern Day Canadian Woman: Leaving Behind a Kingdom

As I sit here on a rainy afternoon somewhere in a quiet tree-lined Ontarian neighborhood with Britney Spears singing about finding a new love and contemplating ordering a bubble-tea from UberEats before my evening class, I feel like there's nothing missing. Notice I said *nothing*, not SOMETHING. No matter what social media and Britney Spears says, I don't need a man or someone to love me. All of my friends who I have known in the last 2.5 decades are either single, separated, divorced or considering divorce. There are a few who have remained married but no one hears from them, or has even seen them in years. I hope they're okay and just busy making apple-pies for their husbands, and not what happened to an old acquitance. She was planning to leave her husband from Saudi Arabia but then disappeared. No one knew what happened or heard from her, except that she suffered some sort of accident. Daisy of Stepford Wives, we miss you and your writing. I wish nothing but the best for her and hope she is okay.

Unfortanately, knowing about Western women who have divorced and left their husbands abroad in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia became quite the phenomanen after COVID. While I was in Canada arranging things for our life outside of Saudi Arabia, I returned to all of the Canadian and American wives gone from our little city. One of my former colleagues, an American teacher at an international school, told me that when the travel bans were lifted, everyone vanished. Not even a farewell party for their expatriation (which is what I always do before my annual repat back to Canada) or a final coffee. It was just so... sudden. Perhaps I'm thought as one of them, judging by the monthly lurkings on my Facebook Story and Saved posts on my Tiktok from other North American wives of Saudis. I don't think they know that we can see who views our Story when Professional Mode is activated, or Saves our posts even if their Tiktok profile is on private ;-)

Well dear readers & lurkers, theres nothing scandalous about my exit from the Kingdom. My little villa and car is still there, along with my children's toys and clothes. I could never leave Saudi Arabia entirely, but live more as some kind of non-resident Resident. We go back 3x a year with short stays in Abu Dhabi and Europe. I still have my Saudi driver's license and if it weren't for my new course schedule, we would be back this summer just like we have been for the last 5 years. There, that's it. I know there were a few rumours on the secret Facebook groups for Western wives of Saudis that I was "banned/deported" and if that were so, I'd have to wonder about the highly advanced border security and technology on letting me travel in and out across the Saudi borders. But don't worry, I haven't been banned from any nation (that I know of). Many thanks to the Admins who quickly deleted the posts because they know the cyber-bullying laws over there, and no one likes getting sued for 75,000SAR for online slander.

Dating During a Recession: The Dreaded Cuffing Season

Hey readers and fellow bubble-tea addicts, Sooo I'm in a few secret groups on Facebook about the local male population and whethor or not they would make fine dating companions. Unfortunately and not so unsurprising is that the majority of them are nothing less than hobosexuals with a long history of abusing the female race. From convictions to unpaid child support to living in a home so filthy that the dog poo on the carpets was turning white, the daily posts make me glad I am not interested in the dating community! Who has time to meet a stranger, who tells you everything you want to hear, to being love-bombed and shown his "best side" all the while he has a hidden agenda? And I am referring not only to the non-Muslim Canadian population but the Muslim community across Canada as well. Stories from the West Coast ie. Vancouver to the capital of our fair land (Ottawa) have reached me via Tiktok, FB and Snapchat. Images of bearded men with strange haircuts that resemble a certain green vegetable are posted with "DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH" texts. Unpaid mahr (dowry), unconsensual attempts at impregnation in order to "cuff" the financially-secure Sister, hidden wives in other provinces -- ohh the tea I have from different citite iss unhinged. Yet they all have something in common: living at their parents' while doom-scrolling on Tiktok and Snapchat. Searching for their next victim. He could be at your local coffee shop with a shiny black puffer jacket, brand new shoes (which his mom probably bought for him) and a suspended driver's license. These "men" are nowhere capable of properly providing for a wife; they're looking for a wife who already has her own house/car/savings. And this, dear Reader, simply won't do during a recession.

Never mind the fact that Islamically the husband is the one who is financially responsible for his family and home. Since 2011 I've heard the hemming and hawing at any mahr that has more than 3-figures. "Who has $5000CAN for a dowry these days?" they'd complain yet I have heard of much higher dowries being offered. Sadly I was a random witness at a nikkah (Islamic wedding ceremony) where a Muslim man from overseas met a Canadian revert and offerd her a Quran as the mahr. Of course I tried to quickly warn the Sister that such a "token of generosity" will not pay first and last month's rent should their union fall apart. But alas, what do I know about such matters... Years later I found out that Sister was not Muslim anymore after she discovered that same man had used her for PR and to stay in Canada. I wonder what she did with the Quran dowry?

Meanwhile, let us shift back to the non-Muslim men of our great nation. One local woman randomly met a fellow downtown and there was an instant attraction. As I surmised they went out on a few dates, everything was going well, "he seemed so nice" only for (let's call him Mark) to start explaining his "rental situation" to our fair lady. Mark was "suddenly and without warning" fired from his job and his landlord "kicked him out" without any reason. Mark kept rambling on about his family living too far from the city, that he had a few jobs lines up blardy-blardy-blar. My eyes were rolling back when she said "he seemed so nice" because I knew where this was going. Another one falls victim to the accursed Cuffing Season. Basically once the snow melts and the ground starts returning to normal temperatures, Mark will be on the hunt for his next unknowing and unwilling sugar-mama! Which is why I warn others to never let a man move in *unless* there is some sort of serious commitment and pre-nuptial contract. There's so many stories of men bringing over suitcases and refusing to leave, even turning to the desperate measures of producing an anchor-baby or two.

And this is why I will never, ever let a man past the tightly-locked door of my comfy abode; yes, I do mean this figuratively and literally.

Guess who's back, back again?

Sorry but it's not the McDLT. I think my last post was in 2018 lol how have you all been? I'm amazed that I found some of the old-school Bloggers on other platforms like IG and TT. A few thought I had disappeared completely but I've just been busy with life as a single parent in Canada. When I was briefly going through my older posts, I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe, wonder, slight cringe at my complete lack of social awareness and naive outlook on life. Moreso on the last two descriptions. That final post was just before the world went into lockdowns and masking, and I started my new journey as a dual-resident between Canada and the Middle East more permanantly. While it's true that I have been going back and forth between North America and the Gulf since 2007, it never occured to me that with the shifting policies of obtaining Permanent Residency status in the Gulf without actually having to be married to a Gulf national or work for a company, that I could basically free-lance and come and go as I pleased. So as it is, my home is here in Ontario, Canada but I live in a city that means Abu Dhabi is less than 20 hours away by plane. After spending a few days getting over jet-lag in Al-Falah, I continue on towards the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia by car. There's nothing like a desert road-trip with dunes and camels for the next 8 hours! Or, if I'm feeling extra then I'll fly to Bahrain and have lunch at The Avenues before making my way to the King Fahad Causeway and crossing the bridge-border. It just depends on the wind, I guess lol However, it is winter time here in Ontario and we have been receiving samples of Snow Days. Today we had flurries mixed with rain mixed with sunshine mixed with heavy winds; all that was missing were clouds with a chance of meatballs. I've been here for the summer and in this part of Ontario it is super humid, almost like Jubail City or Dubai. In fact I think we're gonna dip back there next summer because unlike HERE, everywhere over THERE has air-conditioning and unlimited access to iced water bottles. There's a fridge at my Saudi place that is specifically stocked for me whenever I'm in town; Barbicans, juice-boxes for the children and the new Saudi version of Coca-Cola called "MILAF" (I imagine the A didn't exist so I could have a little laugh) which is made from -- wait for it -- date syrup. Yup, DATE SYRUP. How awesome is that?? Now I don't feel guilty drinking spoonfuls of sugar, huzzah! Welp I wish I could chat more but it's Monday tomorrow and we are 4 weeks away from the Christmas holidays. Don't forget to check out my Tiktok link for more visual pieces of my unconventional life ------->