Dating During a Recession: The Dreaded Cuffing Season

Hey readers and fellow bubble-tea addicts, Sooo I'm in a few secret groups on Facebook about the local male population and whethor or not they would make fine dating companions. Unfortunately and not so unsurprising is that the majority of them are nothing less than hobosexuals with a long history of abusing the female race. From convictions to unpaid child support to living in a home so filthy that the dog poo on the carpets was turning white, the daily posts make me glad I am not interested in the dating community! Who has time to meet a stranger, who tells you everything you want to hear, to being love-bombed and shown his "best side" all the while he has a hidden agenda? And I am referring not only to the non-Muslim Canadian population but the Muslim community across Canada as well. Stories from the West Coast ie. Vancouver to the capital of our fair land (Ottawa) have reached me via Tiktok, FB and Snapchat. Images of bearded men with strange haircuts that resemble a certain green vegetable are posted with "DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH" texts. Unpaid mahr (dowry), unconsensual attempts at impregnation in order to "cuff" the financially-secure Sister, hidden wives in other provinces -- ohh the tea I have from different citite iss unhinged. Yet they all have something in common: living at their parents' while doom-scrolling on Tiktok and Snapchat. Searching for their next victim. He could be at your local coffee shop with a shiny black puffer jacket, brand new shoes (which his mom probably bought for him) and a suspended driver's license. These "men" are nowhere capable of properly providing for a wife; they're looking for a wife who already has her own house/car/savings. And this, dear Reader, simply won't do during a recession.

Never mind the fact that Islamically the husband is the one who is financially responsible for his family and home. Since 2011 I've heard the hemming and hawing at any mahr that has more than 3-figures. "Who has $5000CAN for a dowry these days?" they'd complain yet I have heard of much higher dowries being offered. Sadly I was a random witness at a nikkah (Islamic wedding ceremony) where a Muslim man from overseas met a Canadian revert and offerd her a Quran as the mahr. Of course I tried to quickly warn the Sister that such a "token of generosity" will not pay first and last month's rent should their union fall apart. But alas, what do I know about such matters... Years later I found out that Sister was not Muslim anymore after she discovered that same man had used her for PR and to stay in Canada. I wonder what she did with the Quran dowry?

Meanwhile, let us shift back to the non-Muslim men of our great nation. One local woman randomly met a fellow downtown and there was an instant attraction. As I surmised they went out on a few dates, everything was going well, "he seemed so nice" only for (let's call him Mark) to start explaining his "rental situation" to our fair lady. Mark was "suddenly and without warning" fired from his job and his landlord "kicked him out" without any reason. Mark kept rambling on about his family living too far from the city, that he had a few jobs lines up blardy-blardy-blar. My eyes were rolling back when she said "he seemed so nice" because I knew where this was going. Another one falls victim to the accursed Cuffing Season. Basically once the snow melts and the ground starts returning to normal temperatures, Mark will be on the hunt for his next unknowing and unwilling sugar-mama! Which is why I warn others to never let a man move in *unless* there is some sort of serious commitment and pre-nuptial contract. There's so many stories of men bringing over suitcases and refusing to leave, even turning to the desperate measures of producing an anchor-baby or two.

And this is why I will never, ever let a man past the tightly-locked door of my comfy abode; yes, I do mean this figuratively and literally.